Friday, May 09, 2003

For you, one that I dream of

Come inside and share my love. I have never shared it before. I have never been in love. I do not open up to many. When I do, I just get hurt. I wear a shell around my heart made of stone. I discard it when I am alone with you. Where did this hardness come from and appear so cold on the outside. "It is because I have not had a dream in a long time. See this life I have had can make a good man turn bad. So please, please, please let me get what I want this time. Lord knows it would be the first time." There is a warm man on the inside.

When you said you cared, it touched my soul. No one has ever cared enough to say so. I hope there will never be another. I've met many people. As I get to know them they begin to believe they know me better than I know myself. I end up not wanting to know them at all. But you're different.

Let's not put faith in marriage and simply believe in us. It is not a piece of paper or a ring that are the bonds of love, it is you and I. Believe in the future and do not look back; the past is no friend of ours. I believe in children because they are the future. Marriage is for children. Until then I will be your hopeless romantic. (billbill, 1992)

Saturday, April 19, 2003

My life in dreams, traffic, haste, and doubt

Still climbing!
"My life, in dreams, traffic, haste and doubt."

Tokyo, a megalopolis of the polite and impersonal.
My home and family, more often than not, are my office building and coworkers.
Such is the life of a "salary man".

End of a holiday weekend. Always the fantasy that I am visiting home again, if only for a short while. Now I don't know what to say. Yes, I have what I wished for; so surprised it came true. That old saying, "seek and you shall find" is no joke. Now if I could only find the exit. We need something new to imagine where we can go from here. Sweep the hollow victories aside and all the sacrifices that went with it. Time for a new plan...

Reminiscent of the gospel song grandmummy enjoyed on Sundays:

"Lord, don't move this mountain
But give me strength to climb it!
Please don't move this stumbling block,
But lead me, Lord, around it!
I'm climbing up the rough side of the mountain
I'm doing my best to make it in!"

Although I am not a very religious man, I know what it means.

Monday, April 14, 2003

Dream Refuge

Dream Refuge

William Wilson
August 25, 1997

When can I sit down?
Why can't I stop running?
To the car, like its my exercise
Always late yet always moving
Seven to Five, work keeps me busy
My peers insist on lunch
Although I should be at the bank paying bills
Need to use the bathroom, but that can wait
"Be right there, sir!"
Evenings are long, my time is short
Part-time job, school, home a second job
My time, just the moment between the pillow and sleep
Vacations spent working elsewhere
When I could be sleeping
Sitting is a luxury, only dreams are my refuge
Family in the morning, calling from afar
Wanting to know me like they used to
I'm lost to them, I'm lost to me
Canceled cable, and never have seen "Friends"
"Did you see that show?", I haven't seen any in years
Maybe in syndication when I'm older saying
" that was a good show!"
Watching life pass me by on the covers of magazines
News, just rumors heard in conversations
"Did you hear what happened?"
If it's that important, I'll see it on a cover at the supermarket
Social life, love life, club life, all someone else's life
Not my life, in dreams, in traffic, in haste, in doubt
It isn't over till it's over
Nobody, and anybody, wishing I was somebody
and everybody on my schedule but me
Why such a high price for my life,
that is owned by so many, but not by me?