My life in dreams, traffic, haste, and doubt

"My life, in dreams, traffic, haste and doubt."

Tokyo, a megalopolis of the polite and impersonal.
My home and family, more often than not, are my office building and coworkers.
Such is the life of a "salary man".

End of a holiday weekend. Always the fantasy that I am visiting home again, if only for a short while. Now I don't know what to say. Yes, I have what I wished for; so surprised it came true. That old saying, "seek and you shall find" is no joke. Now if I could only find the exit. We need something new to imagine where we can go from here. Sweep the hollow victories aside and all the sacrifices that went with it. Time for a new plan...

Reminiscent of the gospel song grandmummy enjoyed on Sundays:

"Lord, don't move this mountain
But give me strength to climb it!
Please don't move this stumbling block,
But lead me, Lord, around it!
...
I'm climbing up the rough side of the mountain
I'm doing my best to make it in!"

Although I am not a very religious man, I know what it means.

Dream Refuge

Dream Refuge

William Wilson
August 25, 1997

When can I sit down?
Why can't I stop running?
To the car, like its my exercise
Always late yet always moving
Seven to Five, work keeps me busy
My peers insist on lunch
Although I should be at the bank paying bills
Need to use the bathroom, but that can wait
"Be right there, sir!"
Evenings are long, my time is short
Part-time job, school, home a second job
My time, just the moment between the pillow and sleep
Vacations spent working elsewhere
When I could be sleeping
Sitting is a luxury, only dreams are my refuge
Family in the morning, calling from afar
Wanting to know me like they used to
I'm lost to them, I'm lost to me
Canceled cable, and never have seen "Friends"
"Did you see that show?", I haven't seen any in years
Maybe in syndication when I'm older saying
"...now that was a good show!"
Watching life pass me by on the covers of magazines
News, just rumors heard in conversations
"Did you hear what happened?"
If it's that important, I'll see it on a cover at the supermarket
Social life, love life, club life, all someone else's life
Not my life, in dreams, in traffic, in haste, in doubt
It isn't over till it's over
Nobody, and anybody, wishing I was somebody
and everybody on my schedule but me
Why such a high price for my life,
that is owned by so many, but not by me?